Thursday, September 18, 2008

Direct Sales R.S.V.P. II

A reprise to the original since one post is obviously not enough.

Why would anyone be CRAZY enough to go to Wal Mart to buy things like candles and kitchen supplies for super cheap prices when one could go buy the same products for 5 times the amount at a "friend's" weird living room "party?"

* * *

She said: "Just come. Don't feel like you have to buy anything."

I said: "But that would be a waste of my time as well as yours."

She said: "We'll have a demonstration. It will be fun."

I said: "But it's not fun for me to sit on your sofa feeling like our possible friendship hinges on whether I'll buy expensive crap I don't need out of that catalog your holding."

She said: Nothing really. She tried to laugh but it sounded more like choking.


Ok, I know I was mean but could somebody please tell all the poor moms who decide to do annoying direct sales to alleviate their poorness that their target audience should not be other poor moms.
Got it Amway? Target the West Chester women, Longerberger. Cause the girls in these here parts don't have dollars for your Mary Kay and your Avon. No matter how weird and guilty you make us feel. We don't have the cotton pickin' coppers.

So here's my plan. You invite me to your stupid party and I'll invite you to mine. I've decided to sell something completely ordinary and commonly found at the Dollar Store like lotion or candles or spatulas. Only I'll find mine at Aldi.

Turkey bacon! That's the ticket. At only $1.99 a pack, I'll buy a box and sell it directly to you in my living room for $12.99 a pack and then try to get you to work for me so you can sell your bacon for $14.99 a pack while giving me a generous cut of the revenue. You can then recruit new recruiters and then maybe we could expand our product line to include something really rad like ... paper! ... or meat thermometers! ... or baby bunting or ...

Or maybe we could just have the old fashioned kind of party where you just get together to be friends. Maybe drink a beer or have some coffee together. We could watch our kids laugh and play. No one will gain or lose anything in regard to their pocketbook or candle supply.

Yes, that sounds much better. The turkey's at the Aldi farm like that idea better too. They were starting to pace and sputter the way I really do when I get a "party" invite with: "I, uh don't know ... I'm uh ... trying to uh ... hmm ... ", saving all spicy gusto for the blog.


tiffani said...

You got it all wrong, Sarah. You need to sell your newly crocheted items, and your "ticket" could be that you only make on double chain stitch for every pattern!

Let's do it together!

tiffani said...

I meant "one double..."