Sunday, October 28, 2007

Trick or Treat Morality

Christians, including me, make the easy mistake of majoring on minors and minoring on majors. Halloween and other holidays with ancient pagan histories seem to be a favorite.

Here are attitudes I've encountered on moral issues over the past decade at a variety of Christian groups (Evangelical, Catholic, Presbyterian, You Name It, etc.) :

Abortion? [ie: the intentional murder of a pre-born child]:

Contraception? [ie: the artificial interference with the creation of human life]:

Moot point. Personal choice. No problem. (FYI: prior to the 1930's, this was not just a Catholic issue but all Christian groups were opposed to the practice. Fear not, I'm not advocating unbridled fertility at any cost. But that's another point and blog post. If I ever dare. Don't worry, I probably won't.)

Sterilization? [or as my articulate husband would call it "castration"]:
Moot point. Personal choice. No problem.

Disrespect & Dismissal of Motherhood? [ie: Abandonment of children to minimum wage daycare workers so mothers can pursue extra cash and career status]:

female equality, liberation, personal fulfillment

Absolute Abandonment of Morality in the Name of Entertainment? [You don't have to be a TV nazi to recognize Nero thought live humans eaten by bears was a good time too. Desperate Housewives?? Sex in the City?? I'm more liberated bare foot and pregnant than those skanks are any day.]

Uh huhh; Lets watch it together after home group.

Complete Reliance on the liberal state to educate one's child? [ no, homeschooling's not for everyone but can't the "birds and the bees" and birth control pills be lessons saved for mom & pop?]

Uh huh. Can't they take them sooner? I mean a full day at 5 years old isn't soon enough; I need them out of my hair at least by 2.5; save us, Hillary!! Save us Head Start!!

Halloween? [kids dressing up and asking neighbors for candy while mom pushes junior in the stroller]

HOLY HELL FIRE!! Would somebody please call the Donut Man, bring in some hay and have an alterna-harvest party before we're drowning in sin and mini snickers bars. Quick. Quick. Call the homeschooling moms so they can raise a stink cause don't you know all the neighbors are holding seances and shoving razors in apples then drowning all the bobbers!!!!!

My Point: If you have a moral stance against trick or treating but skirt the bigger issues, you're a putz. Get with the program; let the kids wear face paint and gather free candy (cause if you don't they'll have a really great reason to hate religion); save moral opposition for worthy issues such as ... hmm ... killing babies would be a good start.

And if you've made it to the bottom of this post too long for a blog, here's your bonus apple bobbing shots (there were too many good ones to choose from):

See how lame the harvest party was in 1982 ... No wonder I stink at bobbing; Joey's mom never gave us kids a turn ...

Sad, small children dreaming of candy but soaking with apples.

That's what my father-in-law is doing with all his retirement time. No wonder the basement's not cleaned out ...

And yes, this is me and my overly excited homeschooled child in 7 years. He talks really fast about things other people aren't interested in like fuel and driveway gradients. But he trick or treats. Darn it. He trick or treats.

Retrieved Babies

I put up the above post last night and somehow deleted 2 posts on babies, a post on Aldi and another on Ron Paul. I can deal with the loss of the latter but not the bumpkins. So here they are (all 3 of em):

Monday, October 1, 2007

Vegetarians Are Annoying

Vegetarians are annoying. They really should go back to where they came from.

Doesn't everyone agree? I mean I associate the kooks (especially the ones who still eat fish! fish is meat!) with civil war reinactors and white woman who do karate in the "you're kidding" category.

So why the rant? I hope it doesn't feel like a rant as I mean them no harm and I'm really not even mad. I mean I would never purposely run over a herbivore with my car or shopping cart but at the same time I'm not having one over for dinner any time soon. But still, why the rant? ...

One too many a person as of late has asked me if I shop at the local organic farm; they ask me in a way like they know I'm going to say "yes" and then they'll say "me too" and then we'll have this really lame thing in common. How cool. One lady even said I look like I hang out there. And recently my hair dresser flat out asked me if I eat meat (she said, "cause you look like you don't"). Pray tell, what do meat eaters look like?

Yes, I eat meat and no I don't hang out at organic farms. I like things packaged, preserved and loaded with lots of salt and dead animals. I also like smoking and drinking and I don't even recycle (bonus info).

I'm really not mad about the fact that I strike people as a granola stomping type, I guess. I mean I actually take it as a compliment when I really think about it. When I get the comments I always think I must emit a bottled water type of savior fare -- that or I look oddly thin and wacky in my dark-rimmed glasses (probably the latter).

Whatever the case, let it be known that I'm definitely not a vegetarian. I know I pretended to be in college for like 6 months but I secretly ate chicken the whole time (see, vegetarians are annoying).