Monday, May 11, 2009

Happy Birthday, Dear Friend

"What I expect from my male friends is that they are polite and clean. What I expect from my female friends is unconditional love, the ability to finish my sentences for me when I am sobbing, a complete and total willingness to pour their hearts out to me, and the ability to tell me why the meat thermometer isn't supposed to touch the bone."

-- Anna Quindlen

And let me tell you, this birthday girl fits the bill.

So how did I show my appreciation, love and devotion?

A play date at the park with a soccer candle on a muffin, Aldi brand body wash (she's a fan) and, of course, a One Act Play. Enjoy!

I Went There First and All of You Followed

A Play About Aldi

In Just One Act

Starring Stephanie and Jean

Written by Sarah

Setting: Freezer Section; Jean swipes the last package of Turkey Mignons just as Steph pushes her explodingly over-packed, quarter-rented cart down the aisle trailed by her 4 soccer-dirt stained sons.

Jean's buggy contains the following: 1 bag of chocolate chips, a bouquet of flowers and Tina, her 3-year-old daughter who can easily be mistaken for a buttercup.

Jean is carefully reading the Turkey Mignon package's ingredients as Steph approaches.

Steph: [Turning red and whispering under her breath]: Hold it right there, Missy! Drop it. Drop the Mignon's and get your fanny back to your fancy, little market where you belong. I've been shopping Aldi long before this recession and I'll be here even when you're once again hankering for $5.00 salad dressing ... [Jean notices Steph] Oh, hi Jean! Hi Tina!

Jean: Hi Steph!

Steph: Hey there!! Jean -- YOU'RE shopping at ALDI?

Jean: [giggling and motioning to her cart]: Yeah, just a few odds and ends; hey, have you ever tried these? [holding up the mignions]

Steph: Oh yeah, oh those are ... um ... I mean ... they're really disgusting. I wouldn't even feed them to my dogs [reaching for the package but Jean pulls it back] they're just so gross; here give them to me [swipes the air as Jean tucks them to her chest] I made them once and could swear I was actually eating dirt ... here, let me put them back for you ... [another swipe].

Jean: [Shrinking back] Really, um well, they look interesting; maybe, I'll just give them a try on the grill [smiles and places the package in her cart]. Oh well, see ya later.

Jean heads to the check-out. Steph huddles with her sons in the produce section. A commotion ensues. Suddenly, Rowan, Steph's 4-year-old, is flying through the air -- apparently "basket-tossed" by his brothers. He lands upside down in Jean's cart and does a few hand-stand presses for good measure. Tina cheers. Before Jean even notices what's going on, Rowan drop-kicks the bag of frozen meat product back to Steph and his brothers who all jump and reach and dive for the bag. In the end, Ethan, Steph's 8 year-old, skids to his knees and goalie-clutches the mignons to his belly.

Steph's traveling circus cheers "Score!" and passes high fives all around.

Jean laughs and pays cash for her groceries. Tina tucks her nose in the bouquet as the double doors close behind them.


Happy Birthday, Steph. You're the best of the best.

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